I can feel you judging me through the phone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
