We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
