Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
