I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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