They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
