Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
