I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
