I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
