**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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