he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
