is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
