mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
