Kiss
Puke
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
