I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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