remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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