I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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