I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
