She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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