If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
