Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I AM VODKA MAN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
