How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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