his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
