I wish I only lived at night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
