I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
