Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
