i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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