I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
