i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
MIDGETS
????
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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