Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
