This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
