then he tried to convert me to islam
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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