i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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