it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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