My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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