i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
