I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
