the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
