She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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