Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
