My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
