Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
