I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
