i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
