they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
