There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
