Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
