Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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