you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
