the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
