she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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