and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Randomize
