need another drink. this is the easiest way
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't turn off my feet"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
