Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
