I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
