dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
