So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
