I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
